I believe that I clearly express my thoughts. However, I really liked the words of a Tampa, Florida lawyer who represents high conflicts parties during a divorce.
By Attorney Howard Iken wrote: "There is nothing more exciting than the fight - in a high conflict divorce. Intricate strategy, thinking on your feet, and long range planning can win the war for your client. There is nothing better. I can prove my skills and show the client they hired the right person. Opposing attorneys making a mean face at me just heighten my competition instinct. But I frequently think of all the money spent in a high conflict divorce. A lot of times you can develop "the perfect storm" in a high conflict case. The parties are at each other's throats, the attorneys glow a deep color of red, and the judge cannot stand it every time the case appears for a hearing. The amount of money spent is insane and almost no one enjoys the case. And just because I am excited, competitive, and on top of my game - that does not necessarily mean I enjoy the case. I look at those cases and all I see is loss. Lost money, lost time, and lost opportunities to heal yourself and your children. A high conflict divorce is sure to empty your bank account, trim some years off the end of your life, and traumatize the children. The same money that could be spent on children, a home, or the pursuit of a better life. Unfortunately it takes two to realize the folly. Sometimes I have no choice but to participate in the waste because one or both spouses want to continue fighting. Sometimes this type of situation is exactly what everyone wants. I enjoy using my skills but try to always be aware of the big picture. And every now and then I give some careful thought to see if I am the source of conflict."
Attorney Iken's explanation is spot on - we can stand toe to toe with the opposition and win skirmishes and maybe even the war, depending how the client defines the battle and what victory looks like. Sometimes, lawyers increase or prolong the conflict.
Mr. Iken is very accurate though about the various costs, financial and emotional in a high conflict divorce. Mediation is a process that often brings couples back from the brink of the high stakes high conflict situation. Mediation diffuses the level of conflict and develops options that are based on a positive future for the parties instead of mutually assured destruction. Let us help you move forward and away from just trying to pound the opponent.