Divorce mediation or divorce negotiations include difficult conversations. Often, there is no diplomatic way to have these conversations. An employer firing a friend or relative is a difficult conversation. Telling your in-laws that they are over-bearing is a difficult conversation. Delivering a difficult message is like lobbing a hand grenade; even if it is coated with honey and softly thrown, it will still do some damage. And failure to carry through that difficult conversation is like holing onto the hand grenade after the pin has been pulled. Just remember, difficult conversations are just normal experiences we have during our lifetimes.
Living with a narcissist may be difficult. Through almost 40 years working with people where one of the parties is a narcissist, I learned that psychologists and other mental health professionals have a lot more knowledge about people with narcissistic attitudes or tendencies than I will. Yet, I have worked with couples in divorce mediation where one of the parties is a narcissist nd have found ways to help lead them to a reasonable settlement of their divorce issues.
I recently met a couple who arrived for divorce mediation services, because one party's co-worker advised that mediation was cheaper than hiring a lawyer. As usual, I began our meeting with an explanation of the mediation process (they had been invited to visit my blog).
A divorce client called me for advice based upon dynamics of the ongoing divorce mediation. She said that the mediator, having prepared an initial draft of a Memorandum of Understanding, did not want to revise it based upon a recent development. The incident that caused the client to call was that the husband finalized plans for the kids to attend summer camp for 4 weeks and told the kids about it without discussing the same with the mother. Camp time interfered with her time with the children and she wanted input into the identity of the camp that the children would attend for the first time. The mediator suggested that the lawyers make the modification. Should she leave mediation and ask the lawyer to resolve that issue?
Divorce can be one of the most stressful times in an individual's life. One of the reasons for this is the long litigation process that can take years to resolve. Depending on the specific circumstances surrounding one's divorce, divorce mediation might be the best way to go.
Most separating couples harbor questions, fears, insecurities and anger and all are intertwined. Add friends and relative who shovel fuel on the fire ("you should take him/her for all she has") and others who give erroneous advice on what should happen and it is no wonder clients spend large fees on lawyers to sooth their fueled sense of entitlement. Most businesses that act like that, making decisions based on emotions rather than objective, fail to survive. Divorce Mediation is a beneficial and powerful process to resolve divorce issues, even for high conflict parties.
During and after a divorce, people often complain "I never got to say what I wanted to say" or "My spouse never heard me - what I needed and what I was willing to give." These people did not go through divorce mediation.