Divorce mediation or divorce negotiations include difficult conversations. Often, there is no diplomatic way to have these conversations. An employer firing a friend or relative is a difficult conversation. Telling your in-laws that they are over-bearing is a difficult conversation. Delivering a difficult message is like lobbing a hand grenade; even if it is coated with honey and softly thrown, it will still do some damage. And failure to carry through that difficult conversation is like holing onto the hand grenade after the pin has been pulled. Just remember, difficult conversations are just normal experiences we have during our lifetimes.
Living with a narcissist may be difficult. Through almost 40 years working with people where one of the parties is a narcissist, I learned that psychologists and other mental health professionals have a lot more knowledge about people with narcissistic attitudes or tendencies than I will. Yet, I have worked with couples in divorce mediation where one of the parties is a narcissist nd have found ways to help lead them to a reasonable settlement of their divorce issues.
The Daily Blog of the Harvard Law School Program on Negotiation reviewed a book about how our Decisions get Sidetracked. This is seen in divorce negotiations as well. Here is their interesting blog from March 24, 2016.
I can anticipate when a divorce client will never be satisfied; I also have an idea which clients will be satisfied with their divorce. To determine when someone will be satisfied, let's look at the unsatisfied client:
A divorce client called me for advice based upon dynamics of the ongoing divorce mediation. She said that the mediator, having prepared an initial draft of a Memorandum of Understanding, did not want to revise it based upon a recent development. The incident that caused the client to call was that the husband finalized plans for the kids to attend summer camp for 4 weeks and told the kids about it without discussing the same with the mother. Camp time interfered with her time with the children and she wanted input into the identity of the camp that the children would attend for the first time. The mediator suggested that the lawyers make the modification. Should she leave mediation and ask the lawyer to resolve that issue?
As a mediator and lawyer, I meet people seeking divorce or unmarried couples with relationship problems. The happy years ended often leaving anger and bad memories. Our brains remember negative memories more than positive ones. We hear more negative than positive feedback, so we remember the bad more. When unhappy couples meet to resolve issues for their separation and divorce, they are inclined to remember just the bad and in turn become negative in negotiations.
Mediators work with high conflict people during divorce mediations. Often, parties seem fated or programmed through months or years of a declining relationship to immediately start difficult conversations in a destructive manner. Each party knows how to push the other's buttons to create a hostile environment.
Rhode Island parents who are involved in a custody dispute may be wondering what the difference is between having physical custody and legal custody. Child custody issues usually deal with one or both of these two categories.
Whether involved in a RI divorce mediation or working with a divorce lawyer, parties need to consider tough questions.
As a Rhode Island divorce lawyer and mediator, I was interested in those who hold themselves out as being a "Divorce Coach". Is this another professional position providing a new and helpful service to individuals going through a split-up?