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Posts tagged "Stress"

Cognitive Dissonance in Divorce

Cognitive dissonance is the fancy term for the stress that occurs when a person holds two contradictory thoughts, beliefs, values, opinions or attitudes. This often occurs during the divorce process.  If I believe that I am a good person and I do something truly bad, the discomfort I feel is the result of cognitive dissonance. People have an internal desire to feel that their actions, beliefs and ideas are consistent. Cognitive dissonance develops when a person takes two opposite beliefs or actions.

Emotional Stages of Divorce

Counseling specialists teach that people experience five stages of grieving after the death of a relative/friend. Grief counselors, priests, ministers and rabbis spend time with those with recent losses to assist during difficult times.  A similar emotional reaction comes with divorce.

Heading Off the Expense of a Break-Up / Divorce

Rescuing a relationship from the brink and avoiding a Rhode Island divorce steers you away from the huge financial expense and the colossal emotional cost. Couples, if they know what to look for, can see the clues that a loving relationship is beginning to fall apart.

Preparing for Divorce and Post Divorce Negotiations

A lawyer or mediator visualizes a Divorce in various buckets.  One bucket concerns custody and parenting plans.  Another bucket is filled with bank accounts, brokerage accounts and retirement accounts.  One bucket is real estate.  There are various buckets containing items like vehicles and personal property, insurances and so on.

Parties face emotional pressures when divorce or post divorce disputes arise.  The prospect of sitting with adivorce professional, often a first contact with the judicial process can add to the stress and anxiety.  As a lawyer and mediator, I can reduce your stress, as we meet and develop some trust in each other and begin to unravel  and resolve your worries.
Stress lessens when you learn about the various buckets.  Here are three places to start.  Accepting the reality of the situation may not make you happy, but discovering the information mentioned below brings the clarity of the situation that reduces stress and allows you to focus on solutions that put you back on the road to your goal.  The unknown always seems worse than reality.
·      The "children" bucket.  Become informed of and involved in your child(ren)'s daily life.  Know their teachers, IEP's, daycare providers and doctors.  Know their allergies and weaknesses.  Know their favorite dinners.  Know their routines, friends and playmates.  Know their activities and sports.  You can never know too much about your children in order to help you create a parenting plan that is the best for your child.  A parenting plan just based upon more time that the other parent (if I have more of the kids' time, I must be the better parent) might not be sustainable or in the best interest of your child.
·      The "financial" bucket.  Get copies of your last 3 years of income tax returns.  You can review income generated by each party.  Interest or dividends on savings accounts, checking accounts, bonds and investment accounts will be listed along with capital gains.  This is one way to find assets, though retirement accounts are not listed.  You can review declared income and expenses listed for a self employed spouse. 
·      The "insurance" bucket.  Get copies of all life insurance policies and verify if the premiums are bring paid or if there are any loans against the policy.  Know if the health insurance plan allows a divorced spouse to remain on the policy with no extra course or if not, what the cost of COBRA might be.
We can help you map your journey using the buckets of information that you obtain and what we may need to discover.


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Law Office of Steven J. Hirsch, Esq

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